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It’s time for another wacky Stars Hollow holiday! The town ladies make up picnic baskets that, along with the company of said ladies, are auctioned off. Quaint. And with Miss Patty attempting to matchmake for Lorelai, Rory having two boys fighting over her, Lane having a secret boyfriend, and Jackson and Sookie pondering the next step in their relationship, what could possibly go right? One thing. Okay, two.

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Butterscotch: Stars Hollow has weird fundraisers and events.

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Moxie: They do. A pretty boy

Butterscotch: Oh Boy, Oberto!

Moxie: The next Mr. Patty!

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Butterscotch: And Miss Patty has had Lorelai in her purse all this time.

Moxie: Because she loves you, Lorelai.

Butterscotch: This is the weirdest, no-boundaries neighborhood.

Moxie: Like Miss Patty doesn’t have copies.

Butterscotch: Miss Patty probably has a 3D replica

Moxie: Stop making out at the market!

Butterscotch: Makeout cooties on our food

Moxie: What does Jess need superglue for?

Butterscotch: I like that no one questions it. You know, I get that Rory is cute and smart and quirky… but in my experience, the cute smart quirky girls don’t get the guys in High school. So I think Rory must also be a magic sparkle unicorn.

Moxie: Well obviously.

Butterscotch: Headshots. BWAH HAAH

Moxie: Miss Patty is my life goal.

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Butterscotch: I like that the entire town grants permission to the rest of its inhabitants to be creepy no-boundary neighbors.

Moxie: Literally my kind-of-weirdo town.

Butterscotch: I think it’d drive me batty

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Moxie: Hints being dropped here Sookie. I want to hug Jackson.

Butterscotch: It’s not like Jackson didn’t float the idea of living together before, way back when. At Lorelai’s wedding shower.

Moxie: Yep. Mmm I want the Henry basket.

Butterscotch: Note Rory got the cute tiny basket

Moxie: Kirk why?

Butterscotch: Well done with the look of death, Mrs. Kim.

Moxie: Shut up, Taylor.

Butterscotch: Of course Jess is a jerk.

Moxie: Of course.

Butterscotch: Who is the random blonde holding up the baskets? She’s standing there like a small-town Vanna White. It’s weird.

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Moxie: How does Jess have 90 dollars?

Butterscotch: He stole it. Clearly.

Moxie: With superglue, somehow.

Butterscotch: Because he’s a hoodlum.

So Jess bought a date. With Rory. Which is creepy on a few levels.

Moxie: Jess’s hair is remarkably unpoofed today.

Butterscotch: Jess’s hair has been slicked down with motor oil.

Moxie: Dean, you’ve been in this crazy town long enough. And you know the Gilmores do the tradition thing.

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Butterscotch: the thing is, I’d be pretty pissed if I was Rory. (heh, flying circus reference)

Moxie: I would, too.

Butterscotch: I don’t know why Rory ISN’T pissed. It’s like she’s too busy being flattered.

Moxie: Well the boys are fighing.

Jackson. Honey.

Butterscotch: …and Jackson is being passive aggressive.

Moxie: He is heartbroken!

Butterscotch: Does no one in this town talk to their partner??

Moxie: Nope.

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Butterscotch: I get that he’s all sad, but right now I just want to slap him for being whiney and little-boyish

Moxie: Forget the Henry basket. I want the Sookie basket. Heeā€¦ don’t acknowledge the annoying quirks

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Butterscotch: Okay, the dip kiss was cute.

Moxie: Jackson = the best. Punch Kirk!

Butterscotch: “That’s mine!” she says to the random stranger who came from casting.

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Moxie: So not only does she have Emily for crazy mom, she has Patty.

Butterscotch: Emily has been marginally less crazy of late.

Moxie: Yay!

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Butterscotch: Oh, how he knows her.

Moxie: Perfect.

Butterscotch: “Two stale poptarts and a slimjim”

Moxie: Nobody lets Taylor play his game.

Butterscotch: Patty is probably happy that Luke now has a date with Lorelai. So her work is done

Moxie: All according to plan!

Butterscotch: Mmm. Pineapple Cherry Chutney. Only Kirk finds fault with Sookie’s basket, because Kirk is a 12 year old who still eats paste.

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Moxie: Punch him, throw a twenty at his face and run.

Butterscotch: Screw the 20, just punch him and run. I’m finding everyone in the show annoying today

Moxie: They are all annoying

Butterscotch: Can we just watch Luke and Lorelai banter for the next half hour?

Moxie: Poor Lane, foiled by a payphone.

Ideally, yes.

Oh Lane honey.

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Butterscotch: Poor Henry

Moxie: This hurts my heart.

Butterscotch: He has a point.

Moxie: Oh totally. Which is why it’s so painful.

Butterscotch: Ouch. Henry moved on without telling Lane. That’s a little not cool.

Moxie: Yeah, things that could have been covered before the basket day.

Butterscotch: And Mrs. Kim off the handle. She still has Lorelai’s phone.

Moxie: Lane stole Lorelai’s phone.

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Yes, Jess, we all remember it fondly. I cackle over the gif in my hours of need.

Moxie: Push him in the lake!

Butterscotch: You’d think Rory could be a little more standoffish.

Moxie: There’s precedent.

Butterscotch: Hey, Jess remembers.

Moxie: “He’s so tall” In plenty of fanfic, this is some bizarre flirting with Dean from Jess. I am sure.

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Butterscotch: “Do you get that you annoying him annoys me too? No?”

Moxie: What is that?

Butterscotch: Yes, Sookie! Kirk is a loon!

Moxie: I want to date Jackson.

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Butterscotch: Talk about a surprise proposal!

Moxie: Glee!

Butterscotch: Awww! Squee!

Moxie: YAY! Okay, now Luke propose!

Butterscotch: that would work out really well

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Moxie: Luke does home improvement. And a crazy crush.

Butterscotch: He does do home improvement. Mostly for free. He also makes goat Chuppahs.

Moxie: Luke knows. Stupid Dean. Go away. There was a moment happening.

Butterscotch: I’m kind of with Dean here. His jealousy isn’t irrational, but it also means he doesn’t trust Rory

Moxie: Yes, but Luke and Lorelai were smiling at each other.

Butterscotch: which at 17 isn’t terribly difficult. Yes, but you know they’re not going to give us Luke and Lorelai for awhle yet. They need to tease us some more.

Moxie: Stupid Dean.

Butterscotch: AH AYN RAND is a total nutcase

Moxie: Fuck Hemingway and Rand.

Butterscotch: Oh. Rory trapped him. Way to go with that logic. Why would she remove the bracelet on the dock.

Moxie: In theory it fell off.

Butterscotch: right. riiiight. Nosy mom is nosy

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Moxie: I wouldn’t bring up going for pizza or book shopping.

Butterscotch: You don’t know him either, Rory.

Moxie: Essentially the whole going on an actual date thing. No denial of the fighting. Just how do you know

Butterscotch: Nope. She picks a fight to avoid talking about her questionable new boyfriend.

Moxie: I feel like Lorelai knows better than to do this whole thing pushing Rory towards Jess.

Butterscotch: Yes. Clearly Jess has seen The Expendibles. Hah! Cigar Club! Yes, that’s totally disgusting.

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Moxie: Hehe Flophouse.

Butterscotch: My dad goes to a cigar club. And he always smells of cigar smoke. Which is somehow more pungent than cigarette smoke.

Moxie: It is. Oh god.

Butterscotch: And now Emily is mediator

Moxie: No cellphones at the table.

Butterscotch: You’d think that Emily would have a no cellphone rule at the table.

Moxie: The maid usually takes the bags. Is this a beginning for Jess?

Butterscotch: I think what Rory hates is that her mother is right.

Moxie: Yes. Oh food rejection!

Butterscotch: I’d say that she’s excited about a second stalkery boy being into her, but she wasn’t like that with Tristan.

Moxie: Tristan was more of a jerk about his stalking.

Butterscotch: I would say Jess is equally creepy.

Moxie: But he likes books. Tristan called her Mary.

Butterscotch: Because there are no creeps who also like books. Rebel with a heart of gold.

Moxie: I’m just saying that’s why Rory likes Jess better than Tristan.

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Butterscotch: I kind of love Mrs. Kim in this moment.

Moxie: Hahah and you’re sure he’s Korean?

Butterscotch: because she actually wants to protect her daughter. Goes about it totally the wrong way, but her heart is in the right place. Wow. And Lorelai Emily bonding.

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Moxie: This is going to end poorly.

Butterscotch: 100% agreement = Red Flag

Moxie: Now Lorelai will change her mind to spite Emily.

Butterscotch: I think Emily knows what she’s doing here. I think she knows Lorelai well enough to understand that whatever she recommends will go right out the window. maybe

Moxie: Maybe? I want that star lamp.

Butterscotch: See there’s a halfway point here. And Lorelai isn’t always great at finding it.

Moxie: Birth control careful

Butterscotch: And Rory doesn’t question her need to hide her actions from her mother? Her mother who just accepted her judgment.

Moxie: From the woman who hid a boy in her closet? Jess is a jerk, but I think he’s a better match than Dean.

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Post Mortem:

Butterscotch: I honestly think Lorelai gives Rory too much credit sometimes.

Moxie: Oh totally.

Butterscotch: Because Rory’s mature but lacks the ability to question her own motives

Moxie: That’s a problem with smart/mature kids.

Butterscotch: Sometimes.

Moxie: They still lack experience and self-awareness. And it’s easy to give them too much credit.

Butterscotch: yes, but Lorelai also lacks self-awareness much of the time. which is maybe why she’s willing to give Rory so much maneuvering room

Moxie: She’s still pretty much 16, though. Like yeah, she’s gotten her shit together and runs the inn, but in every way she can, she’s still really teenagery.

The clothes when she’s not working, the food, the movies/tv she watches

She’s still stuck in that phase.

Butterscotch: Yes. It’s a pretty deliberate choice, though. she’s getting to have the teenage years she always wanted AND experience them with her own kid. I mean, that’s half the fun of parenting, right? Getting to be a kid with your kid.

Moxie: Yes

Butterscotch: I wish that there’d been that all-knowing look on Emily’s face after the I agree 100% convo

Moxie: Exactly what that was missing.

Butterscotch: That would’ve made it. As it was we’re left guessing whether that’s waht Emily actually thinks parenting is

Moxie: We did see the momentary calculating look when she figured out they were fighting.

Butterscotch: true and you can totally see where Lorelai gets her uber nosiness from

Moxie: I think when it comes to boys, she’s overcorrected into that territory. Because Lorelai was obviously not shut away in a tower.

Butterscotch: mebee

Moxie: I mean, I’m sure her parents were controlling… and I notice birth control never comes up.

Butterscotch: oh, we know they were. also true. Maybe Lorelai assumes that Rory is going to be having teh sex

Moxie: I mean it does later, but as a closing the barn door after the horse is gone situration.

Butterscotch: eech I don’t like Jessisodes. He may be a better fit than Dean, but I’d gotten used to Dean

Moxie: Well it’s all downhill from here then.

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